Question of the Day: Help! How Do I stop children from hitting each other?

Question: How do I handle a group of children in my program that constantly forget to keep their hands to themselves?



We found a good answer to this question in the book Conscious Discipline by Dr. Becky A. Bailey
(Page 176)
Answer: Dr. Bailey says that children convey their wants and their needs through their actions.
They hit and grab to get what they want. We can help children by teaching them to use words.


In the situation where one child hits another on the head with a pencil, Dr. Bailey walks us through six steps to help the child use words instead of actions:

Step 1: Since we do not actually know what a child's motives are, we might as well assume that it is positive. So the first thing we should do is state the child's positive intent by completing this sentence, "You wanted _____." This builds security and cooperation.
So we might say, "You wanted Cameron to look at you."

Step 2: Without making judgements, describe the child's actions by completing the sentence,
"So you _____." This builds consciousness.
So we might say, " You wanted Cameron to look at you, so you thumped him on the head with a pencil."

Step 3: Give the child the benefit of the doubt. We might say, "You did not know the words to use to_____." or " You didn't know how to _____ without being hurtful." This defines the child as a good person who made a mistake.
You might say, "You didn't know what else to do to get Cameron's attention." This builds self-esteem.

Step 4: State the limit and why it is needed. This gives the child a clear boundary of what is not acceptable. Say, "You may not ___ ! It hurts."
You might reiterate, "You may not hit Cameron with the pencil. It hurts."

Step 5: Teach the child what should be done in that situation. Help the child practice the words needed. To teach the child a new course of action, use the following words:
"When you want ____, say (or do) ____. Say or (do it) now."
Tell the child, "When you want Cameron to look at you, say: Hey Cameron, look here. Try it now."

Step 6: Encourage the child for being willing to try a different approach. If possible, point out how the new approach has proved successful.
You might say, "You did it! Cameron is looking right at you."